The other day, I watched my father nearly choke to death.
..and it was one of the more mildly disturbing things I’ve seen him do.
A LESSON ON ACCEPTANCE.
“A man should live as though his father is dead.
That is – A man must love his father and yet be free of his father’s expectations and criticisms in order to be a free man.”
-David Deida
My father has been in bad health for years now.
I’ve long since made peace with his passing.
I think he has, too.
No matter what I tried to get him to do to prolong his life; eat less, walk more, read books…
Nothing. He doesn’t want to do anything.
I can’t imagine what he actually feels like inside, but God has his way with everything.
In the church parking lot, in my passenger seat, he began to choke a little as he ate. A sound I’d grown used to as I’d heard him eat often.
But this time was different.
He couldn’t dislodge the food this time. He tried to cough, but the more he struggled, the less anything happened.
His eyes rolled back, and his tongue jutted out as he made more and more desperate attempts to cough out the obstruction.
I knew it was serious when he dropped his ENTIRE PLATE of food on my car floor.
I screamed at him to “COUGH IT OUT! COUGH IT OUT!”. Slamming his back repeatedly.
There was no one within earshot, yet I could clearly see my family and others pleasantly going about their day as my father’s life drained out of him.
He couldn’t hear me either.
I slapped his back hard, screaming and looking around for any help.
Finally, he managed to hack up the food and regain consciousness.
“What happened?”, he asked.
My hands shaking, I said, “You nearly (died) passed out.”
“Oh.” He said blankly as he noticed his food on the floor. “Is there another plate somewhere?”
I was pissed because now I had to share my plate since he almost killed himself over his.
A few minutes later on our way home…
“So how’s your friend doing?”
“Fine.” I said.
“That’s good.”
We continued the rest of the ride talking about meaningless trivialities.
He’d already taught me all he knew about life growing up and I am successfully living on my own.
His job is done. I am the product. He succeeded. Free to pass away whenever he pleases.
Even if it’s in front of me…
That’s just the way life goes.